"Lexi I need to talk to you" so she comes over to me and asked "who do you like?"This terrifies me, because at one point in time I did like Richard and Sierra and I's only fight was over him. What if someone goes up to her and says I've been putting the moves on her boyfriend, she'll have reason to believe them. And also what if all I'm viewed as is the loser who wants her best friend's boyfriend. Really I don't like him as anything more as a friend, but its high school so people will believe anything they want. Anyway if I did want him I would be in over my head. Sierra is on of the prettiest girls I've ever seen and all the guys like her, she has no trouble talking to anyone and is outgoing. I'm ugly, fat and timid. I lose. Some days I don't even know why I'm still alive. Really I think I'm only living because my parents need me and my friends might miss me. God knows I wouldn't miss myself though.
I truthfully said "No one"
She then goes "Can I guess? Is he in our class"
"I Don't Like Anyone."
"Then why have you been flirting with some guy in our class?"
"Okay, who do you think I've been flirting with?" I thought she may have been talking about a certain guy who I flirt with just for fun.
"Richard."
"Are you serious?" Now I had no idea what to think, I mean I was basically just accused of trying to steal my best friends boyfriend.
"Yeah," she says like its no huge deal, "alot of people do."
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Exploring Scary Places
School today was actually really good, well until last period. See I have three really close friends: Kayla, Sierra, and Richard. Kayla is kind of the odd one out of the group, we like her but we aren't as close to her as we are to each other. Sierra is my best friend and Richard and her are dating, so I tell Sierra information I wouldn't tell anyone else and Richard hears a lot of this information too. Well today during last period all four of us were in the computer lab when Kayla suddenly goes
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there just rumours.. dont let them get to you, you know the truth and im sure you best friend will belive you! hope you feel happier soon xxx
ReplyDeleteSweetie, don't get yourself down about this. Life is going to get so much better after you leave school. I promise. I have been severely suicidal and I still catch myself thinking about it sometimes, but what helps me realize why I'm so blessed is thinking about my family and friends and how they love me. What might also help you is going through some old baby pictures of when you were a kid and just having a good laugh at how cute you were! It made me realize, even if it's just for a moment, that I am precious and I can understand why people can love me even if I don't love myself.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need to talk, you can contact me on my blog. Just leave me a comment or an email.
xoxo Charlotte