I'm Sorry Guys

I'm sorry I'm so depressing, I try to be happy but it's hard.

I Need Out

Today in science Kayla said "Sierra I would cry so much if you move away" and then added in a less enthused voice "...oh and lex too." This is when I realized these two, no matter how much they may act like it, really don't care about me. I need out of my school because no one likes me here and I need a second chance. I'm going to talk to my parents about it either at Christmas break or towards the end of the school year. I can't even make it through school without wanting to call one of my parents to come and get me, I that miserable right now. And home is not any better. Eating is not on my mind right now, because huger pains don't even compare to what I'm feeling right now. Life is like running on a hamster wheel, I do the same basic things ever day. I need a change, for my sanity, for my life.

Emotions are For Everyone, but I Wish They Weren't

Right now I'm feeling a mixture of so many emotions I don't know how to act, think, or how to even describe them. I hate how girls are suppose to be all "lets talk about our feelings" I can't do that. Sometimes I want to and then I realize I don't even know what the hell I'm feeling, how am I suppose to tell them then? If I was a guy if one of my friends ask me what is wrong and I could just say "Fuck it all" punch a wall, and then the next day we could laugh about it. But no I'm suppose to cry, and I do succeed at crying. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry because I hate myself, I cry because I hate where I live, I cry because I should be grateful, I cry because someone woke me up early, I CRY OVER FUCKING EVERYTHING! Yet everyone thinks I'm fine, and if they don't they are choosing to ignore it. Last time I was asked how I was was Monday by a teacher, made me almost feel important for a moment, but I'm just a small speck in this huge world.