All I need is weed, and tonight would be complete.
Today was great. Hung out with Keiran, I was suppose to take pictures for yearbook but he stole my camera, so I could have fun. Tomorrow is the Valentine dance, I'm really excited. My outfit is adorable, I actually can look in the mirror and be happy wityh how I look in it. That is such an amazing step forwards.
I haven't gained anymore weight, I'm still at 113, but at least I'm not losing.
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Good News from the Hospital
They weighed me, and I weighed 111.0! That means I gained 3 pounds, so I am actually making process. yay! Also my doctor thinks he will be able to release me Wednesday. Mom already called the school and they are sending my homework for the days I'll be gone with my brothers so I'll actually be able to do something productive too.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I'm in IP right now.
Yeah ever since deciding to recover I haven't gained any weight and actually lost two pounds even though I'm eating regularly and not over exercising. So the doctors are really concerned, and decided I need to be under observation for a few days. Really all they are doing is running blood tests and making sure I am actually eating.It's more boring here then anything else, so I'm really glad my mom brought me my laptop. Anyway just kind of informing you guys.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I Still Read
Thanks to Unbeautiful and Nikki you guys made me feel so much better tonight.
Today I read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," it only took about two hours. I can honestly say I have never felt so triggered by a book. I cried a lot, I would read something in the book and cry then take a break and cry about how much I could relate to something in the book. I'm kind of an emotional mess right now, probably cause I haven't taken my bipolar medication for about a week now. Do you know what sucks most about recovering? When it's dinner time and you make yourself something small, and that calculator in your head kicks in and suddenly you realize that this small meal has more calories then you use to eat in a day. Then you start to cry and then you realize you aren't even hungry, but you have to eat! So you sit there eating and crying and wondering what happened to the person you use to be. That is the worst thing about recovery. I'm underweight my BMI is 16.2 and I still feel huge. This time last year I was overweight and wanted to lose ten pounds but still thought I was gorgeous. Well I don't see anything gorgeous when I look at myself now I see a monster, something I hate.
Today I read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," it only took about two hours. I can honestly say I have never felt so triggered by a book. I cried a lot, I would read something in the book and cry then take a break and cry about how much I could relate to something in the book. I'm kind of an emotional mess right now, probably cause I haven't taken my bipolar medication for about a week now. Do you know what sucks most about recovering? When it's dinner time and you make yourself something small, and that calculator in your head kicks in and suddenly you realize that this small meal has more calories then you use to eat in a day. Then you start to cry and then you realize you aren't even hungry, but you have to eat! So you sit there eating and crying and wondering what happened to the person you use to be. That is the worst thing about recovery. I'm underweight my BMI is 16.2 and I still feel huge. This time last year I was overweight and wanted to lose ten pounds but still thought I was gorgeous. Well I don't see anything gorgeous when I look at myself now I see a monster, something I hate.
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