I Can't Even Say His Name

(Note this can be read three ways, the regular font words tell in the most straight forward way whats going on right now, the italic words are more of how I feel, and together they tell the full story.)

He stopped talking to me, and I want to message him back but I'm trying not too.
I shouldn't even be talking to him
I keep telling myself he is controlling, he hurts me, he is trying to trap me.
I need to be free
Remember when he blamed me for everything, remember how bad I cut.
I know he causes pain
Its hard because he has been there for me, he listened when no one else would
I shouldn't have told him anything
I love him, I probably always will, losing him scares me.
I can't even say his name

Saving Myself

I hope someday, I will save myself.
I will be able to find a way past all the barriers and become free to a world unseen.
Someday I will find escape, but  tonight it doesn't seem possible.
For tonight the walls are closing in as I begin to scream

The caged birds song

Once upon a day there was a bird trapped in a cage

and it sang a lonely song filled with sorrow

It longed for the day where it could fly away,

and never look back in to it's past

Once upon a day a girl came and sat by the cage,

and listened to the birds sorrow filled song

She smiled with joy at the beautiful tune

and left hastily at it's departure

Abounded was the bird lonelier then ever,

And it longed to sing no more

Then one day, the song when away

as did the girls appreciation.

She came very rarely and never stayed long

for the bird was useless without it's song

The bird grew lonely and it grew weak

And it longed so dearly to stretch it's wings.

Then one day the bird sang again,

and the girl became ecstatic.

After all she loved the bird -

and didn't want to see it waste away

But the bird knew the ugly truth,

that couldn't be denied.

The love was fake could easily break

So the bird better be careful.

Then once upon a day

the girl opened the cage,

and the bird flew out the window-

And she stared out as the tears streamed down

for she had realized what she had done

and without the bird's song

she might as well be caged. 

Death

I wonder how death feels
I wonder what it is like to be completely pain free-
Not to worry about eating or fat -
Or cuts or bleeding.
No Judgment.
No God.
No Devil
To be alone -
but complete.
Violence, anger.
Crying, sadness.
Laughing, happiness.
All gone.
Finally being empty-
And never craving full.
Every noise, every distraction-
Never to be heard again.
Wouldn't it be nice-
If we could all be dead.