Valentine's Dance

The Dance is tonight, I'm actually nervous. Like the excited butterflies nervous. I need to repaint my nails and curl my hair. Most of my homework is already done. This is so strange. Kayla is taking me home so I don't have to worry about the awkward moment where we want to kiss goodnight, but my parents are right there. haha. At least that's good. Wow the more I think about it the more nervous I get. I need to stop thinking...

Ice Cream and Sublime

All I need is weed, and tonight would be complete.
Today was great. Hung out with Keiran, I was suppose to take pictures for yearbook but he stole my camera, so I could have fun. Tomorrow is the Valentine dance, I'm really excited. My outfit is adorable, I actually can look in the mirror and be happy wityh how I look in it. That is such an amazing step forwards.
I haven't gained anymore weight, I'm still at 113, but at least I'm not losing.

I Lost My Future

Yesterday mom was really crabby and making everyone around her as miserable as she was, well after making me cry three times, calling me worthless, and grounding me for nothing, she told me I have no collage savings. None. My dad spent it all. This caused me to go into a meltdown and I ended up crying in the laundry room for an hour. Already I have been confused about what I was going to do with my life after high school, but now I don't even what to think about it. Collage is expensive, and I'm to stupid to get a scholarship. Plus I don't even know what I would be going to collage for anyway. Basically last night I realized all of this, with that I'm done trying. If I'm going to have a crappy life anyway, why should I work hard now? I have so much I'd rather be doing. I'll most likely kill myself before the age of thirty anyway. School really isn't going to make a difference in my life. I'm done. My future is hopeless.

A Little Bit of Hope

I'm zero days cut free. I skipped a meal today. I had a mental breakdown last night about how fat I am. It's hard but I vow to get through it and today something made me happier then I've been in a long time.

We were sitting in health and Keiran asked me if I had any gum, I got it out but wouldn't let him have him have it so he was trying to grab it out of my hand. Sierra yelled "Keiran stop holding Lexi's hand" and he said "Oh what, now I can't hold her hand, well fine. Lexi wanna go out?" And of course I said yes, after making sure he was serious. He then said he was going to buy me the most over the top stuffed animal for me on Valentines day. I'm really content right now and I know him just asking me out won't make everything okay, but it makes things a little better.

I Hate My Friends

I seriously do, because they abounded me. They actually did. Sure they are here now, but they don't care about my problems or me. Really how can they feel like they are my friends when they don't even talk to me outside of school or know whats going on in my life outside of school? And they are so close it honestly tears me apart. That's how me and her use to be, but she doesn't call anymore because we have nothing to talk about. And she never comes over because I'm no fun. And she doesn't wait for me because she doesn't need me.
And I'm so jealous of the girl that she now calls her best friend, because I have to hear about their late night calls. And she tells her to text her anytime. And she calls her "her sister." And it makes me sick, and angry, and sad because it's hard to see some be there for someone else when they could be there for you.

More about Yesterday

Should have posted this yesterday, but I was really tired and didn't feel like writing. So I didn't sleep well last night and had to wake early to do my hair. Well the night before I started taking this new pill Cytomel, well after an hour of being up I started feeling really light headed and sick to my stomach. I went to go get a drink of water since I haven't drank anything all morning. Well I got to the kitchen and instantly felt like I was going to pass out so I sat down, then started feeling really hot and clamy at the same time. Then as quickly as it came it passed, really strange. But other then that, yesterday was amazing! I got second place in sports management in my distract which means I'm going to state! I'm really excited!

I'm just going to put these here

First photos out of the hospital, I had an FBLA event today, that is why I was dressed up.