So Just A Few Confessions

-I binged on the remains of my birthday cake, a large Dairy Queen ice cream cake. There was about half of it left, I only ate about half on that half then realized what I was doing. So now there is a melted ice cream cake in a garbage bag in my room, I have no idea how to get rib of it with out my dad seeing.

-I re-made a tumblr thinspo blog. In January I swore I would never look at thinspo again, let along run a blog of it. I deleted it all off my flash drive, but now I'm back comparing myself to girls I know are unhealthy skinny.

-I feel like an attention whore, because I'm really lacking attention and hating it. This is where is gets self-centered, no one has taken the time out of there day to have a meaningful conversation in days. Not my parents, none of my friends, not even some random stranger.

-The day before I went to the amusement park, I cried for the first time in a long time about how fat I am. I ended up punching myself in the stomach so hard I left a bruise.

Haircut

Okay I haven't updated in a while, because there is really nothing to update on, except I got a hair cut and I really like it. I went to the doctor and he didn't weigh me so I got to stay on my bipolar medicine. Halloween is next week and I still don't know what I'm doing. Yesterday I had a massive binge, but am still down 5 inches around my stomach since I last measured. Anyways my life is kind of boring right now, but I thought I should at least keep you all updated on how boring my life is. (:

Before I cut my hair

After haircut

Can You Fake it for One More Show?

@Vampire Thank you, your comment really picked me up and yes all the photos I post are of me.

The last few days have been hell toned down. It's like if I went to hell for gluttony, my eternal suffering wouldn't be as bad as someone in hell for murder but still it would be suffering. So I made a huge mistake at homecoming and threw myself at some loser of a guy because of how upset I was that I didn't have a date, so now I have this guy thinking we are going out. And I just want him to go away, he is annoying and thinks he is better then everyone else. Right now I can avoid him but after Christmas he is transferring to my school, and I know by then I'll have to fix this but I keep hoping if I just ignore the whole situation it will go away. I wish I was mean so I could just tell him to fuck off, and not care about his feelings.

Also I've been in a binge crazy mode, and I have no idea why. Usually I have at least some control over myself but recently food has been my drug.  I don't know what it is about October that makes me want sweets, I wish I could get apples when I went trick or treating instead.

As off Sunday I'm no longer cut free, I don't know why I cut, all I know is I did and it was the deepest I ever have. I don't think I can be happy being happy, I mean when I'm depressed I feel better about life then when I'm happy, just shows how fucked up I am.

Hope you all have your lives a little more figured out then me.